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Being a Jerk Shouldn't Be In Your Lot When You're Single

There’s a common trait a lot of people in the dating world share that unfortunately, by and large, isn’t by sheer coincidence.

And by the grace of Dr. Ruth herself, these people still don’t get it and chances are pretty great they never will- possibly even after it’s far too late.

You’ve got dating site after dating site, bar scene after bar scene, and hookup after lousy stinking hookup, yet these people are still cycling this shit at a stretch arriving at years on end in the rough and ready, single and steady.

I understand that love indeed has to happen on YOUR watch, when you’re in the right place at the right time, and when you’re actually ready for it to happen. But are people REALLY ready for it when all they seem to do is make up excuses?

They want to blame bad luck, bad timing and often their most favorite scapegoat of all time, BAD PEOPLE.

Oh yes, it’s always the other guy. SOMETHING IS ALWAYS WRONG WITH THE OTHER GUY. The other guy always ruins it because he just somehow can’t get it together, and he simply stinks and sucks for it. So we’ll just blame him and vindicate ourselves so that we can get back to sleeping well in the night where we dream up our delusions of opulence and flawlessness at the expense of being lonely and miserable.

In the meantime, I have a couple of questions:

Have you looked in the mirror lately? Have you taken the time to really cross a few faults off your own effing list these days? Have you really noticed what it is YOU GOT that isn’t working?

Things the CHRONICALLY single do that keep them single:

They Refuse to “Settle” Instead of Being More Open-minded

They look at a potential opportunity with someone who is reasonably decent and kind and has something going for them as not living up to what they truly want and expect.

This person is wearing ugly tennis shoes. This person delivers mail for a living (how dreadful). This person hasn’t got enough money in the bank (oh gasp). This person actually has their head on straight (major dealbreaker). This person…

They focus on the arbitrary, the trivial and on the factorable- things that are bound to change over time and can change on a dime- things that are relatively minor in the grand scheme of things.

It isn’t about settling. It’s about being humble and accepting. And just remember, the other person is going to have to accept YOU too.

Looks Are the Most Important Even Though Their Looks Are Out the Damned Window

I’ve met a stockpile of people these days who still demand perfection and the hottest number parading down the block when:

A) They don’t have the required billfold to finance it.

B) They aren’t Angelina Jolie even 5o years past her effing prime.

I’m sorry but unless you got a sturdy foundation upon which to expect the best, you’d best take whatever it is you can get. And it’s always some overweight bald broke ugly mother f*cker who cuts a woman down because her tits sag a little and she has a gap in her teeth, or some mental mid-forties bimbo who won’t date a guy because he has a cat and a mortgage.

Get a clue. If you’re not out there literally, with your pick and choose, YOU CAN’T PICK AND CHOOSE.

They Don’t Want to Date Outside a Certain Demographic They’ve Pinpointed Down to a Science

I’ve mentioned expectations a million effing times. This will prove to be no exception.

Rule of thumb: If you’re dating someone who has an exceedingly long list of random and ridiculous expectations, for every rule on the list is a month out of their lives they’ve remained single. Thus, if they have 50 rules printed neatly and meticulously on the damned thing, that’s right, you guessed it, they’ve been single barely a buck shy over 4 years.

They put things on it like:

• Can’t like Ed Hardy.
• Must have long perfect limbs.
• Can’t have crooked teeth or toenails.
• Must have an acquired taste for shimeji mushrooms.

Here’s a hint:

Narrow that list down considerably and write one up that’s actually going to garner your own self-improvement. Instead of picking on other people, pick on someone your own size. Yourself.

They Honestly Believe Certain People Aren’t Good Enough Yet They Worship People Who Are Sacks of Shit

Oh wow, I could never date that guy because he’s too sweet and caring, too upstanding to his dog and his mother, and stays home on Friday nights curled up on the couch with a good book.

No, instead I want the guy who drives a fast hot car he can’t afford, has a package the size of a bushel of Amazonian bananas and has a mouth on him that would sooner make friends with a wasps nest than kiss the foot of St. Peter.

They want the douche guy Tommy Lee type who does everything wrong on purpose and not a decent one like John Q. Regular Guy who does everything right by fault.

They’re Still Playing the Part of the 20-Year Old Shallow Jerk at 35 and 40 Years Old

When you’re young and reasonably good-looking, it’s true, you have a lot of people from which you can choose to park your rear end. The world is seemingly at your feet and you can afford the fun and the adventure of being the hottie and being with someone who parallels that same standard.

However, most people, as they come into middle adulthood, tend to focus less on the exterior and more on what’s on the inside, in theory anyway.

Yet, you still got those 37-year old dumbasses on one side who not only want to date HOT chicks, you got those on the other side who still think they THEY ARE the hot chicks. Here they are thinking and trying like hell to be 20 years old with the implants, lip injections and the childlike mentality.

If you’re 40, be open to dating people in your demographic, not dating in denial hoping for a snowballs chance. You’re not 20 anymore, not by a long shot.

They Are ASSHOLES To Other People For Not Living Up to Their Standards When the Standards Themselves are UNLIVABLE and They Don’t Live Up to Them EITHER

They think they are doing people favors when they are being the bearer of bad news by breaking it to the poor bastard that he doesn’t stand a chance because he’s got 15-pound gut, has a slight twitching problem, or doesn’t make enough cash, WHEN THEY DON’T EITHER. They cut out certain groups altogether because they aren’t on the “same level”.

Or they cut people down and they think they are doing them a favor because “these people need to know their place”. These people need to know that they don’t have what it takes to mix with us so we need to be cruel and tell them.

Just one thing, remember that chances are the other person probably isn’t on your level either. They’re probably slightly above or better. And undoubtedly A LOT better off without you.

Maybe when people start getting real about who they are, what they have to give, who they think deserves it, and what they think they deserve, they might actually get somewhere.

Until then, don’t bitch about it or act surprised when each year continues and passes and you’re still by yourself. That’s what happens when you think strictly in terms of YOU and not what you have to give to other people.

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